Great Truths of Life - Cute

I am often emailed some great things and this one I just have to share. I have no idea who the author is, but these are very cute. Enjoy!


GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge .... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.







GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.



THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.





SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money..
At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.

Dumb Laws on the Books, Is This Our Future?

I received the following via email... It just reminds us that we have too many dumb laws on books. :)

A must read that looks into the near future! The way things are going........

“Winston, come into the dining room, it’s time to eat,” Julia yelled to her husband. “In a minute, honey, it’s a tie score,” he answered. Actually Winston wasn’t very interested in the traditional holiday football game between Detroit and Washington. Ever since the government passed the Civility in Sports Statute of 2017, outlawing tackle football for its “unseemly violence” and the “bad example it sets for the rest of the world,” Winston was far less of a football fan than he used to be. Two-hand touch wasn’t nearly as exciting.

Yet it wasn’t the game that Winston was uninterested in. It was more the thought of eating another TofuTurkey.

Even though it was the best type of VeggieMeat available after the
government revised the American Anti-Obesity Act of 2018, adding fowl to the list of federally-forbidden foods, (which already included potatoes, cranberry sauce and mince-meat pie), it wasn’t anything like real turkey. And ever since the government officially changed the name of “Thanksgiving Day” to “A National Day of Atonement” in 2020 to officially acknowledge the Pilgrims’ historically brutal treatment of Native Americans, the holiday had lost a lot of its luster.

Eating in the dining room was also a bit daunting. The unearthly gleam of government-mandated fluorescent light bulbs made the TofuTurkey look even weirder than it actually was, and the room was always cold. Ever since Congress passed the Power Conservation Act of 2016, mandating all thermostats—which were monitored and controlled by the electric company—be kept at 68 degrees, every room on the north side of the house was barely tolerable throughout the entire winter.

Still, it was good getting together with family. Or at least most of the
family. Winston missed his mother, who passed on in October, when she had used up her legal allotment of live-saving medical treatment. He had had many heated conversations with the Regional Health Consortium, spawned when the private insurance market finally went bankrupt, and everyone was forced into the government health care program. And though he demanded she be kept on her treatment, it was a futile effort. “The RHC’s resources are limited,” explained the government bureaucrat Winston spoke with on the phone. “Your mother received all the benefits to which she was entitled. I’m sorry for your loss.”

Ed couldn’t make it either. He had forgotten to plug in his electric car
last night, the only kind available after the Anti-Fossil Fuel Bill of 2021
outlawed the use of the combustion engines—for everyone but government officials. The fifty mile round trip was about ten miles too far, and Ed didn’t want to spend a frosty night on the road somewhere between here and there.

Thankfully, Winston’s brother, John, and his wife were flying in. Winston made sure that the dining room chairs had extra cushions for the occasion. No one complained more than John about the pain of sitting down so soon after the government-mandated cavity searches at airports, which severely aggravated his hemorrhoids. Ever since a terrorist successfully smuggled a cavity bomb onto a jetliner, the TSA told Americans the added “inconvenience” was an “absolute necessity” in order to stay “one step ahead of the terrorists.” Winston’s own body had grown accustomed to such probing ever since the government expanded their scope to just about anywhere a crowd gathered, via Anti-Profiling Act of 2022. That law made it a crime to single out any group or individual for “unequal scrutiny,” even when probable cause was involved. Thus, cavity searches at malls, train stations, bus depots, etc., etc., had become almost routine. Almost.

The Supreme Court is reviewing the statute, but most Americans expect a Court composed of six progressives and three conservatives to leave the law intact. “A living Constitution is extremely flexible,” said the Court’s eldest member, Elena Kagan. “Europe has had laws like this one for years. We should learn from their example,” she added.

Winston’s thoughts turned to his own children. He got along fairly well with his 12-year-old daughter, Brittany, mostly because she ignored him. Winston had long ago surrendered to the idea that she could text anyone at any time, even during Atonement Dinner. Their only real confrontation had occurred when he limited her to 50,000 texts a month, explaining that was all he could afford. She whined for a week, but got over it.

His 16-year-old son, Jason, was another matter altogether.. Perhaps it was the constant bombarding he got in public school that global warming, the bird flu, terrorism or any of a number of other calamities were “just around the corner,” but Jason had developed a kind of nihilistic attitude that ranged between simmering surliness and outright hostility. It didn’t help that Jason had reported his father to the police for smoking a cigarette in the house, an act made criminal by the Smoking Control Statute of 2018, which outlawed smoking anywhere within 500 feet of another human being. Winston paid the $5000 fine, which might have been considered excessive before the American dollar became virtually worthless as a result of QE13. The latest round of quantitative easing the federal government initiated was, once again, to “spur economic growth.” This time they promised to push unemployment below its years-long rate of 18%, but Winston was not particularly hopeful.

Yet the family had a lot for which to be thankful, Winston thought, before remembering it was a Day of Atonement. At least he had his memories. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized his children would never know what life was like in the Good Old Days, long before government promises to make life “fair for everyone” realized their full potential. Winston, like so many of his fellow Americans, never realized how much things could change when they didn’t happen all at once, but little by little, so people could get used to them.

He wondered what might have happened if the public had stood up while there was still time, maybe back around 2010, when all the real nonsense began. “Maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today if we’d just said ‘enough is enough’ when we had the chance,” he thought.

Check out my other blog at: http://detroitprojectmanagers.blogspot.com


_________________________

Armada Business Consulting, Inc.

Armada Business Consulting, Inc specializes in excellence in execution for Technical Project Management and LEAN implementations. Contact Trish at trish_sutter@yahoo.com.

_________________________

The Recruitards II: Heads-Up

This is my second installment on Recruitards. In the first blog, I discussed the "mass" marketing hard-sell approach to recruiting. Today, I'm going to tell you my experience with yet another Recruitard last week. I will not disclose his name, for the sake of illustration, we will call him Santosh, from Syntel LLC.

Santosh sent me an email about a Data Architect position in Rochester, MI. Before I even had a chance to read the email (and I was reading email at that time), he called me. Now IT leadership is my forte and my resume is tailored thus, but my technical expertise is RDBMS, Enterprise Databases, Data Warehousing, ETL, BI, Data Modeling, Optimization, ODBC and generally making systems and databases talk to each other. So, I am a good fit for this.

The Position

So he tells me the rate, for the sake of illustration, let us say $80/hour. I am looking for a job; the money was ok, the location is great, bring it on. He wanted a current resume. I send it and qualified it with the statement that it is a resume tailored for technical leadership.

Then Santosh tells me the position is for the Mayo Clinic. Now, I know the Mayo Clinic is in Minnesota and I asked again, just to be sure.

Trish: "The Mayo Clinic is in Rochester, Minnesota, and I am in Michigan, are you sure about the location of Rochester, Michigan?"

Santosh: "Oh! No, No, they have a location in Rochester, Michigan."


Ok, I think to myself. Crittenton Hospital and Oakland University are in Rochester, MI. Henry Ford Health has IT services and medical offices in Rochester, MI. The Mayo Clinic very well could be opening a satellite office. It is not outside the realm of believability. So, I go along with Santosh.


Negotiating?

Santosh tells me the client loves me, and although he quoted me $80/hour, he has to be able to undercut the competition, so he can only go $75/hour. He tells me his firm will only be "breaking even" on the deal.

I'm thinking that's $200 A WEEK, he's nicking me for. And, he is sending me another email, could I please fill-in the number of years of experience in each of the following areas? Ok, I agree and proceed to fill out the experience grid. Less than 5 minutes later, he calls me AGAIN.



Santosh: "Trish did you receive my email? Where is the experience grid?"

Trish: "I am working on it now."

Santosh: " Oh, did you receive my email? Where is the experience grid?

Trish: "I am working on it now."

Santosh: "My manager says we can only pay, $74/hour. Can you please put in your response to me, that you agree to this rate."


I am grumbling to myself that he just nicked me for another $40/week. But justify it by telling myself, I am on a diet, I will do without lunch. But also thinking that Santosh wasn't going without lunch. I do as he asks. As I was pressing "send", he called AGAIN. Now they can only go $73/hour (and another $40/week, I'm going to end up paying them.) can I please agree to that in an email.

Now, this position was to run 6 months. Recall the rate started at $80/hour and he nicked me for $280/week, that totaled $7280 for the contract. Nobody likes to take a $7000 plus hit. At this point I'm feeling like he's scammed me.

As I pressed send, he call me AGAIN. Now the client just loves me, but needs me to sign an agreement for Syntel to represent me. So, I get the email and Santosh, had sent my resume back to me, no agreement. So again, before I even could call him. He was calling me yet again.

"Where is the agreement? Can you please sign and return it to me"

I told him, he needs to send me a copy of the agreement.

Location, Location, Location

As I describe what transpired the other day, I may have left out a couple of calls, but I just checked my phone to verify how many times he actually called me. In the span of 3 1/2 hours, Santosh and I had a total of 10 calls. And the above gives you a flavor for the afternoon. And after all this, I am both amused and mildly irritated at the same time. You know the feeling? Finally, his email with the agreement arrives. I read it and the position location is in Rochester, MINNESOTA!

You know the feeling? To put into the words of the great, Charlie Brown:  "ARRRGGGGH"

The Icing on the Cake

So, I call him back and explained that my rates had to go up 25% for a remote location. I followed up with an email, outlining the new rates with and without expenses included, and even offered to telecommute for the agreed upon rate. The icing on cake was the following day, when he actually responded to my email, saying that telecommuting was not a valid option.


Recruitard Award
Santosh of Syntel, LLC is a truly deserving recruitard. Santosh, in honor of your blundering ways in recruiting, you are hereby awarded the Recruitard's, Heads UP Award.













Check out my other blog at: http://detroitprojectmanagers.blogspot.com


_________________________

Armada Business Consulting, Inc.

Armada Business Consulting, Inc specializes in excellence in execution for Technical Project Management and LEAN implementations. Contact Trish at trish_sutter@yahoo.com.

The Recruitards

Sponges are animals of the phylum Porifera (pronounced /pɒˈrɪfərə/). Their bodies consist of jelly-like mesohyl sandwiched between two thin layers of cells. While all animals have unspecialized cells that can transform into specialized cells, sponges are unique in having some specialized cells that can transform into other types, often migrating between the main cell layers and the mesohyl in the process. Sponges do not have nervous, digestive or circulatory systems.

-- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sponge

Image credit - http://www.natural-sea-sponge.com/


Recruiter, Salesman or Sponge?

Have you been contacted by all kinds of sales organizations looking for sales people? MLM marketing recruiters, Insurance Sales Recruiters? They get your phone and email from Monster, Careerbuilder or other similar job sites. The MLM marketers can be surprisingly persistent.

They contact you with this rehearsed, high pressure sales script, like you are going to actually fall for their line. If it's such a wonderful job, why are they employing high pressure sales tactics? Why aren't folks standing inline to get these jobs?


I have new term for these types of recruiters: Recruitards.

Recruitard: High pressure recruiter/sales that have no clue as to your real value. Like the sponge, recruitards lack un-specialized cells (that do transform into specialized cells) and recruitards do not have nervous, digestive or circulatory systems.  Similar to a Marketard.

Image credit - http://meanmommyuniversity.blogspot.com/

Flavor of the MonthHere is a typical letter from a recruitard.

Interview Confirmation Needed

Dear Trish Sutter,

We are expanding in Michigan, and we are seeking candidates to fill our Account Executive position. I would like to invite you to an interview in our Michigan Office on Tuesday, October 27^th at 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.

Please reply back with your name, interview time and contact number to confirm your interview. The purpose of the interview will be to discuss the specific details of the position including compensation.

We are a member of the Independence Holding Group (NYSE:IHC). A $1.3 Billion dollar publicly traded company. Please review our website at www.independenceholding.com

Please arrive 15 minutes early and dress in Professional Attire.

Below are the directions and the address for the interview.

I look forward to meeting you in person to further discuss this career opportunity.

Michigan RegionalOffice:

2000 Town Center
Suite 1900
Southfield, MI 48075

Click here for map

Thank you,

Dan Conrado

Regional Sales Leader

Conradodetroit@ipa-america.com

The flavor of the month seems to be Insurance Sales.  And don't you just love when they presume to set-up an "Interview" for you? .

Here you are a professional. Be it Sales, Computers, Health Care, Accounting, whatever your profession may be.... As a professional, you have sacrificed for your education in your chosen field. You have years of experience. You are a consummate professional. You are searching out every avenue for your next position and seriously into it and then you get a letter like the one above.  Oh my, what a joke. These recruitards, really are sponges. And they are a big insult to real professional recruiters and marketing professionals.

Serious Thought

I have given this recruitard problem some serious thought. And have concluded that we need a national non-recruitards list, like we have for those pesty telephone marketers. You know, so we go online and register your contact information and recruitards would be prohibited from contacting you? Recruitards would have to check the list before they can contact you otherwise, they get slapped with a $500 fine.

Recruitard Awards

We can have fun and create a solution much like the infamous Darwin awards. Yes, you guessed, Recruitard awards. Award categories for

• the company that doesn't match your skills to the job,
• the individual recruiter who doesn't match your skills to the job,
• the most inaccurate job description,
• the most insulting recruiting letter,
• the MLM company with the most spam,
• the worst recruiting website!

How Great Would it Be

How great would it be to reply to the next recruitard with something like this?

Congratulations Lisa,

You and your company have been given the honor of
The Recruitard Award for Individual Recruiter
and your website has also won
The Recruitard Award for Websites!

Thanks,

National Recruitard Awards

_________________________

Armada Business Consulting, Inc.

Armada Business Consulting, Inc specializes in excellence in execution for Technical Project Management and LEAN implementations. For more information contact Trish at trish_sutter@yahoo.com.

_____________________________